Soul-Work

Sometimes it's hard (ok...most times) to quiet my spirit.  To not think about all the things I have going on and start going through my emails and to-do list before my QT with GOD.  I'm a work in progress.  So today I sit in my hotel's lobby at 7:45 AM and quiet my being in order to have do some soul-work before I start work-work.

It is well with my soul.  

In Sacred Space today I liked this:   I attend to the shadows and what they say to me, seeking healing, courage, forgiveness. 

My shadows are impatience and busyness.  Not necessarily being too busy but filling my empty time to the extreme with things that aren't soul-worthy.  In saying this I finally figured out what I want to give up for Lent.  Internet TV shows, especially on Hulu.  I watch way too many shows on here.  

I'm learning about Lenten Season, a liturgical practice that I'm unfamiliar with.  I attended Ash Wednesday's chapel at work and was reminded that this is a time to really consider what Christ did for me by dying on the cross and rising again.  And that I need to slow down my spirit in order to be centered on Him.  

So, today will mark my decision to abstain from Internet TV shows so that I can learn to focus on going deeper with God.


Workout
Wogging on the treadmill:  3.12 miles, 45 mins


Weights:  15 mins


I'm on a work conference in CA with students - luckily I stay at a hotel while the students stay at Biola University being hosted by their students.  There's a tiny gym here...I really missed my daily X-Camp workout.  I 

That Went Swimmingly

I've been mentally and emotionally exhausted lately...you know that feeling that you could be on the verge of sick if you don't take care of yourself?  That's how I've been feeling.  Not sick but knowing I really need to sleep much more than five or six hours.  My body needs sleep 8 - 9 hours but I don't usually allow myself this much or I'd have to be in bed by 9 PM and that's hard for me to do.

I REALLY craved pizza today.  At work I went to say "hi" to a dept and found out they were having a pizza chat session.  I love pizza a lot - esp on a cold day like today.  The smell wafted of carbs - hot crust, melted cheese...hmm.  I almost asked for a piece.  Almost.  Instead I headed to my office and had an unappealing spinach & cooked veggies lunch along with an apple.  I knew that if I moved pass my initial craving that it might go away.  It didn't but at least I didn't have time tonight to think about it.

I wasn't sure I was going to exercise today but I had literally last night told my friend I wanted to go swimming with her at our local pool, so that afternoon I made plans to meet up with her.  The thing is that I planned to meet up with some students for a Black History Month celebration dinner and an interview - it was really casual, not an event I needed to be at but wanted to support their endeavor.  In my mind I had planned to stay for 1 - 1.5 hrs...but I decided to value my health and make a compromise to myself.

Workout

Lap swim, 60 mins, 40 laps = 1000 yards.  I haven't swam laps since perhaps I was in Japan in 2002 when my swimmer friend & I bought swim caps, a requirement in Japanese pools, and goggles.  I haven't used either of these for 10 years!   The water's bouncy is so nice on my knees and it felt like the elongated strokes were making me lean.  I even got a few stroke lessons from my friend which I desperately needed.  It was a nice switch up to my routine...I just might be doing this a bit more consistently!  

Food

Dinner at Bon Appetit (which I think is an amazing company!  They use local & sustainable methods and I love our manager, he's always encouraging of whatever type of food we want to have prepared.)  Tonight was Southern cooking!  A small piece of fried chicken, roasted chicken, 2 pieces of shrimp w/ 2 tbsps of grits, 1/4 cup of gluten-free macaroni.  It helped that I used 2 mini sampler plates and didn't have time to go back for more.  I am realizing that I can eat a little bit of an indulgence if I keep my portion size small.  I didn't go over my calories or fat for the day although I went over in protein but I'm okay with that b/c I am more careful with the calories and fat.  

Hearts to the World

When we serve others through "love"liness we shine a little bright encouragement into their world.

My email box has some Valentine Day reminders from marketers trying to sell me something, except for Red Cross who wanted to show appreciation.

"Every day, Red Cross supporters like you open your hearts to the world - and when you do, you change lives."

This reminds me of how we should live our lives.  Here's the quote modified:

"Every day you open your hearts to the world - and when you do, you change lives."

"Love"ly Day

When you hear the phrase "Happy Valentine's Day" what does it conjure up in your mind?  Loneliness?  Regret?  Happiness?  Joy?  Many a year as a singleton it can be a dreaded holiday not having found my "true love".  In the few relationships I've had I've never celebrated V-day with a special someone.  I'm a total romantic at heart.  I want the fairy tale romance of being swept off my feet.

Then again, I have.

I am in love.

I am content.

I am happy.

I am joyful.

I hope you are too.  Find the love in today at whatever life stage you are in.  I have discovered that I'm to love God, myself and others.  When I think about my journey with God, all else fades away.  I am not thinking about what I don't have but what I do have.  I have a lot of love in my life.

This morning I woke up with intentionality - to see, give, and find love today.  Not in the romantic way (although I am open to the idea...hint hint!) but in the phileo and agape way.  I woke up at 5 AM with conflicting emotions of joy yet sadness.  Joy knowing that my life is not my own but a reflection of Christ to others.  Sorrow for those who don't yet know how much they are loved unconditionally.  Not by a relationship.  Not by what someone does for you.  Not by having a brand-name limited edition whatchamacallit.  By God - and Him alone.

I am learning to love myself.  My imperfections.  My image.  Yet also knowing that my body is a temple and I'm to honor God with it, 1 Cor 6:19-20, I need to not forget that it is okay to take care of myself as long as it's in a healthy way.  And ultimately knowing that my confidence comes from God.

Today was wonderful.  I lived in the moment.

It started off with a one-on-one meeting with my boss.  I let him know that I was thankful for working on his team.  I have learned most of what I know about the field I work in through him.  He has challenged me in areas of weakness and acknowledged my strengths.  He had encouraging words for me saying "I have seen growth in you", referring to my professional development from when I first started till now.  Those words were meaningful.

I saw love through my college students.  My favorite sight was a group of guys who dressed up all swag in red and black with ties & bow ties - they were fully living into Valentine's Day not fearing the dread of being single.  It was a picture of confidence in who they were no matter what season of life.  I spontaneously invited students to come meet with me in the commons area for a 2 hr window to chat, get a hand hug (it's a revolution that I'm starting where you high-five with a little extra, you need to experience it yourself in person!), a regular hug and/or to have some chocolate.  I wanted to give them love.

Towards the end of my time I got a text from a friend saying "If I happen to be in [your town] where would I find you"?  Then she shows up a few minutes later with a pink little gift bag, a sweet encouraging card and a beaded bracelet.  I wondered aloud why she was here...she lives about 25 mins away & it's in the opposite direction of where she usually drives...and she specifically came to see me!  I wish I could've spent more time with her but I was going to a meeting.  Her gesture of intentionality spoke volumes to my heart.  She's a friend that I don't see often but has been there through the ups & downs of my relationship statuses.  Her and her husband love on me like crazy - last year her hubby told my friend to take me on a V-Day date since he was out-of-town and I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 9 months.  Her partner is like a brother that I never had.

I head to my dept meeting and a colleague-friend is the delivery gal for another colleague-friend, handing me a red rose with a paper of an original poem written from God's perspective.  I feel overwhelmingly blessed.

Even in the simple things I saw love.  From the stranger that opened a door for me.  To the colleague-friends that I met up with at a coffee shop.  We were each doing our work but the company of another was love in itself.  Love doesn't have to involve diamond rings.  Love in it's simplest form is caring for another without expectation of anything in return.

This Is the Way, Walk In It

This morning's message is brought to you from Isaiah 30:21, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it'".  I got an email this morning from Queen of the High Road (QHR) for my half marathon training with this verse.  It greatly encouraged me, as I know that what I'm doing is not just a physical challenge but a mental and ultimately spiritual endeavor.  I know I've said it before and I'll say it a million times over, this is not just about losing weight.  I am so frustrated with my attempts just to diet.  Without the spiritual element then it's just about my outer body that ages every day.  This would be about my image and what the media tells me I'm suppose to be. Well, I don't get my confidence from celebrities or photos of a size 0.  What lasts is so much deeper.  So much.

I love Mandisa's lyrics and attitude - she says what I'm thinking.

The Definition Of Me 

Everbody's got an opinion
Of what they want me to be.
Everybody's got a condition
That I may never meet.

So tired of lookin in the mirror
It always says the same thing
I wanna be about somethin different
Somethin more than the mirror can see.

Like Joy, Peace
Alive in me.
When it comes to my identity.

I want the love.
I want the life.
I want the beauty only inside.
I want the one that you can't see.
To be the definition of me.
More than the face.
More than the girl.
More than the voice.
More than the world.
I want the truth that I believe.
To be the definition of me.

Pretty is cool for a minute
But it always fades away.
Trends are hot for a second
Then they're gone the very next day.

So before you get lost in the moment
Let's get one thing clear.
That love will last forever.
It's the reason that we're here.

It's up to you.
Cause everybody's lookin.
How do you want them to see? (yea)

I want the love.
I want the life.
I want the beauty only inside.
I want the one that you can't see.
To be the definition of me.
More than the face.
More than the girl.
More than the voice.
More than the world.
I want the truth that I believe.
To be the definition of me.

Said I'm cute with the boots
And the trendy attire.
Said they're kinda remanicin
Bout a younter Maraya.
But do they see beyond what I got
What I rock.
They'd be shocked if they knew
It was my soul that was hot.
Boys won't effect my own self respect.
And neither do the magazines at Vanity Tech.
Yo Disa make a list of what's fly
And what's next.
Start it off with Joy, Peace,
And end it with Blessed.

I want the love.
I want the life.
I want the beauty only inside.
I want the one that you can't see.
To be the definition of me.
More than the face.
More than the girl.
More than the voice.
More than the world.
I want the truth that I believe.
To be the definition of me.

I want you to be my definition.
De-de-definition.
Want you to be my definition.
Definition of me.
I want you to be my definition.
De-de-definition.
Want you to be my definition.
Definition of me.

Workout:
-  X-Camp circuit training, 60 mins

-  Treadmill, 3 km, 20 mins

Internal Tantrum

Not.  Feeling.  It.  Today.  

Today was the first time that I really really wasn't motivated to workout.  I should've gone to sleep earlier. I woke up late.  I got to the gym late.  I was sore from yesterday's workouts.  I was dragging.  Internally I'm just a fireball of negativity.  Do you ever have days like that?  

I kept repeating to myself "positivity, positivity, positivity" hoping that my feelings would change.  Alongside comes my Gym Momma who consistently encourages me by saying "You can do it", "You can do anything for [fill in the blank with "one minute", "2 more rounds", "250 meters" and other Gym Momma-isms.]  I felt like I was having an internal tantrum of refusing to push myself, especially on the timer.  Sometimes our timer is not a clock but one of the circuit stations.  The timer station is one where I go full force knowing that my buddies are counting on me to get it down fast.  

Today's timer station was 10 squat jumps onto a tire (by tire I mean a gigantic 150-175 lbs or a smaller 50-60 lbs), flipping the tire 5 times and finally doing 10 more squat jumps onto the tire.  I chose the smaller one 'cause I failed at lifting the other one even a centimeter off the ground - I gave it a go just to see but not a thing budged!  Gym Momma's voice of support majorly helped get me through my 3rd round on the timer.  This reminds me of life.  

We all need people in our lives that challenge us to exceed our comfort zones, to encourage us when we are weak, and to cheer us on through difficult times.  Who are those people in your life?  

If you don't know the Enneagram you should check it out.  You can also get free daily email thoughts for your personality type.  I loved today's encouragement, We must be willing to be uncomfortable for a while if we wish to be released from whatever has bound us. (Understanding the Enneagram, 361).  I'm being released from my bound of gluttony.  From indifference.  From negativity.  So that I can be free - free indeed.  

Workout:

-  X-Camp circuit training, 60 mins

-  Elliptical, 0.80 miles, 15 mins

Food:

I'm way under calories today.  I ended up coming home and not feeling good so I took a sick day and slept for 7 hours!  Let's hope I can sleep tonight.  

-  Dinner tonight:  Miso soup with a ton of veggies.  Very very low calorie and filling with the liquid.  I still have a major headache so I'm drinking water and am going to have an Arbonne chocolate protein shake with Oregon strawberries.  Not only will it taste good and have a ton of nutrition but it's a sweet treat that's good for me.  Yum yum!

Lost & Found

A few things that weigh 6 pounds:  World's Tiniest Horse, World's Lightest Bike, Dumbbells.

One thing that weighs 6 pounds less:  ME!

I started this journey on January 10th, four weeks ago and I'm feeling GREAT!  I didn't go to bed till 12 AM this morning...5 hrs of sleep.  Yet I practically leaped out of bed like it was my birthday, excited to get weighted in!  I really had no idea how much I lost.  Stepping on the scale this morning and being confused that is wasn't balancing, my trainer had to push the scale tracker more to the left!  My insides feel great too - so bonus!  I seem to always have a bloated belly and looking in the mirror this morning it wasn't so bubbly.  My personality = bubbly.  My belly = not so much.

I'm proud of my team - everyone lost something that we don't ever want to reclaim!  We are finding that it's well worth the early mornings, hard workouts, and healthy eating.

Workout:
-  X-Camp circuit training, 60 mins:  There wasn't enough people for the relay races so I was a solo racer.  I hated it.  I pushed myself, made my trainer encourage me (Yes, I requested verbal words of affirmation! You gotta ask for what you want!), and went full speed...but it's just not the same when there's no partner competition.  Despite it, I worked it hard.

-  Elliptical, 3 miles, 43 mins

-  After the wog, I was still feeling energized and I REALLY wanted to get my groove on.  So I headed to the dance studio with my i-pod to do some choreography...but a class was about to begin and there wasn't any other private space.  Next time....or maybe in my living room tonight.

MyFitnessPal - Free Weight Loss Tools

Chop Chop

Got my first weigh-down haircut.  Oh - you don’t know what that is?  Chop chop...I’ll do anything (well...legal and to a point) to win this weight loss challenge for my team! The 2nd weigh-in is three days from now...and every ounce counts! We get weighed every two weeks - and heck yeah, I'm a girl that needed a haircut. Bonus is that I'm a few more hairs lighter! I think I made the hairdresser's day with my weigh down strategy.


Next up: Going bald.

Of course I'm also in the grind - it was a LOVELY and I mean super duper lovely sunny day with a high of 57 degrees...and it's winter! It started off with my zumba friend being recently certified so I was her first student for 60 mins of sweaty fun. She's gonna be a great instructor, especially for kiddos.

In the afternoon my friend agreed to go running with me outdoors so that I could start my first day of half-marathon training. I'm following the Sole Sisters training schedule of 3 miles today. We are over-achievers so we did 3.77 miles...well in actuality the only way to get back to her house was to keep going. We jogged the whole 3 miles...I had a blister from last week that was getting worse, but I refused to stop till we hit the 3 mile marker. Then we cooled down by doing the last bit walking.

I'm so happy! My endorphins are up with the yellow ball in the sky + dance + running + great friends.


Workout: 
- Zumba, 60 mins
- Running/Walking, 43 mins


Food:
- Requested a bubble tea with minimal sugar.  You've gotta go to The Place To Be if you are ever in Canby, OR. Love their atmosphere but even better is their soft tapioca bubbies except today they didn't have them so she suggested jellies - but I found out they are sugar filled. Bummer. But it saved me some calories. The lady made me a concoction that I dreamed up: Pomegranate green tea, a bit of non-fat milk, a tiny scoop of cane sugar all blended so you get icies instead of chunks of ice. Yum yum!
- Panini sandwich - soft white bread not so good but I requested no cheese...and I LOVE melted cheese so that was a sacrifice
- Said "no" to a tempting chocolate chip cookie bite
- Chose tea over coffee at Starbucks
- Brought healthy snacks from home since I was out all day
- Dinner at Red Robins b/c my friend was craving it. I figured I could find something healthy. When I asked about the wraps (thinking it was a good choice) the waiter said the wrap alone has 400 calories BEFORE anything goes on it. That's insane. I ended up with the Apple Harvest Chicken salad replacing the dijon dressing with a balsamic vinaigrette.


So I got home tonight and did a little internet research and realize that even the salads are horrible and I'm horrified. Red Robin's Customizer:

Red Robin Sandwiches and Wraps

	calories	fat
Caesar’s Chicken Wrap	850	43
Whiskey River BBQ Chicken Wrap	1119	62

Red Robin Salads

	calories	fat
Apple Harvest Chicken Salad – modified no bread, lighter dressing	530	29

Lesson learned. Be careful of what I may think is healthy, esp at a restaurant. Not only ask a ton of questions but look up nutritional values online or on my phone. Spend a few more mins doing this to make good choices. Next time at RR - just a glass of H2O on the rocks.

Dining In

Second day in a row that I've had major headaches.  I'm not sure I'm eating enough during the day.  Perhaps this is also a sugar headache that I need to let my body filter out...I don't know.  I left work at 2 PM to sleep it off.

Tonight was my first dinner gathering since starting my weight loss challenge.  A few friends & I have a tradition of going to our university work events - plays, concerts, sports games - and having a meal beforehand.  There was talks of us going out but I decided that I would save money and calories by cooking myself.  I was ok with what everyone else decided but it ended up being five of us lovelies gathered around my dining table with a healthy spread.

Healthy b/c I intentionally sent my friends an email asking them to support me in my endeavors - but also allowing them to bring whatever they wanted b/c I was learning to have self-control.  My dining table was filled with a crockpot whole chicken tomato simmerie; a platter of sliced pears, nutty cheese and homemade coated peacans; quinoa salad with tomatoes, red onion, olives, peas; fresh red grapes; and sushi.  I had one slice of sushi.  Just one.  It was hard.  But when I put it into myfitnesspal and it had 50 calories, I decided to treat myself to one.  Anyone who knows me knows I love sushi...it's my nickname.

Alas, there was variety so I didn't feel deprived.

After our event, I came back home and ate 2 cups of quinoa salad at 10 PM.  I went over 187 calories by dong so.  I need to work on my self-control.  I didn't need it but wanted it.  And if anything I could've had 1 cup instead and been fine.  Argh.  I know what to do but my emotions take over the knowledge.

DTR - It's Worth It

Oh how I missed you.  I'd like to restart a relationship with you again, Zumba.  How about a DTR?  I was thinking today that I really need to define the relationship that I have with my health, not just my love for the Latin-inspired dance class.  My health has been moderately important - my brain knew what to do, eat healthy and workout, but my actions were based on how I was feeling that day.  This is changing in me.  I've been working out despite the early mornings, the cold, the rain, the snow, my lack of sleep...the list is embarrassingly long.  My health has now become a top priority.  And it's worth it.  

Before:  I would have the worse excuses, including that I didn't have someone to exercise with.  If a friend canceled then I wasn't motivated to always go.  

Now:  A friend cancelled going to zumba with me and for a sec there I debated in my head if I should go. Then I said "Self.  You go.  It's your health".  Plus, I really missed dancing - the freedom it gives me to feel sexy.  Yes I just said that word.  It's true.  I could never move my hips before learning zumba.  The connection I have with zumba goes back to my days of feeling so blah about my body.  And Christians dancing so provocatively?  It gave me a boast in my self-image, it helped me to be confident in who I am right now not the future.  To love my body and love myself.  

So, Zumba, I won't forget what you allowed me to be.  A woman who learned to love.  

I do have to admit though that I've had to move on...it's not you.  It's me.  My left knee can't handle you all the time.  Can we still be friends?  Hang out on occasion?  

Workout:

-  X-Camp circuit training, 60 mins

-  Treadmill, 30 mins

-  Stretching, 30 mins

-  Zumba, 60 mins

Just Say "No"

4 hrs of sleep and I still got up at 5 AM to workout at 5:30 AM.  I have gym buddies that I can't let down.  I worked it pretty good and I'm glad I showed up.  Isn't that half of life?  Showing up.  Being present even when you aren't "feeling" it.  And you never know.  In the end you may just end of having a great time.  I can say that about my x-camp, a circuit training bootcamp.

Before having gym buddies I would make excuses "it's too cold", "I'm too tired", "It's too early".  Well I'm taken control of my health.  On days like today when I'm not feeling it I go anyways.  And I felt awesome during and after the burn.  

The biggest struggle for me is at the end of the day when I'm at home.  I sometimes even avoid going home b/c I know I just sit around eating.