It's a constant tension of not living out of fear but also knowing the right time. These past few months I've been going through a medical issue that ended up becoming more serious in that it's not an injury but a lifestyle change. Through this challenge I realized my identity was wrapped in my abilities and own strength...and I had no idea until I was confronted by my doctor's prescription.
So then I had a bad day that turned into a bad week.
And that's okay. I needed time to process. To see myself as God sees me. My whole mind perspective about myself had to change and my emotions needed to be real. Denial isn't the solution but rather facing the problem with sadness and tears...and finding in the mist of it all that God was waiting at the table of content(ment). He wanted to speak words of encouragement, "You are valued", "You still have a place at the table" so that then He could write the first chapter of a refocused life.
In my lack of I'm finding God's strength to step into my calling by walking with my head held up in full confidence. It's not easy. I have to be intentional in living outside of my thinking-center into a serving-out-of-my-weakness-for-His-glory-center. I've made mistakes but I'm not giving up.
