I want to encourage those who are single that dating can and should be fun! I see the process of dating as one in which I can know myself better, gain insight and ultimately know Christ more.
I want my focus to be on God foremost. It's not always easy when I get wrapped up in the excitement of it all. But I believe my purpose (our purpose) on Earth is to illuminate God's name and bring others into a right relationship with Him. I know this can be done through the dating process, as I see dating as not just between two people but within a community.
Ok, don't get all worked up just yet, but if we really think about it, all of our lives are being watched by others whether we realize it or not. People want to know how we will react to our circumstances. I'm a connector at heart--I see how whatever I do affects one and another. So I want to lead my life in a way that I'll have no regrets. That I can look back with pride. But I'm also not perfect...I have a few past experiences that I wish I could change.
A great example of a guy that I sincerely admire is "Texan" (you ain't about to know his real name, as I will never use real names unless given permission). Texan was a true Southern gentleman. After much conversation he chose to not pursue something with me because he wasn't ready. Sure it was hard as we had developed a closeness as we talked about deep spiritual things, yet could also laugh & joke in the next moment.
With any relationship, we need to give each person the freedom to choose. I needed to love him enough to move past filio to agape. Agape is unconditional love and seeks the other person's best interests, not our own.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Pacifist or Passive?
Something in me has been brewing over the years with a desire to know our roles as Christian men and women, as it's been so confusing as of late. We don't need the world's view but a biblical view. Too often we place our own ideas, our own concepts into spiritual terms, but really, "What is God's view on relationships"?
I don't fully understand, so I need to do more bible search.
The one thing I'm really passionate about is learning how to do relationships in a way that edifies our brothers. That supports our sisters. That grows each one of us into a more intimate relationship with Christ.
Currently, I'm mulling over opposite sex friendships. When I was younger I always wanted some male friends to hang out with. I saw these confident gals having conversations (ok, perhaps they were flirting) and I wanted to be like them. These days, as a 30 year old, I have changed my outlook on guy friends. I think it's important to be in community with them as there is much I can learn, but I don't believe in one-on-one outings unless they have clarified their intentions. By clarify, I mean that they say, "Would you like to go on a date" versus "Hey, let's hang out".
I don't mind hanging out--it's quite fun with groups. I'm also not a strict legalist. If a male friend flies in from out of town and wants to go to coffee, I'd probably go. What I'm against is coffee every week with a guy who I just hang out with. Where there is no stated intentions.
The emotional intimacy and attachment is much stronger for woman and we need to set our boundaries. I have done a lot of reading on relationships and what it really comes down to in all situations is COMMUNICATION. Too often each side goes on assuming and not really talking. I say this as much for me as for those who've gotten hurt in dating.
Not that anyone's been asking me as of late but explaining my boundaries to a guy brings me this internal stress. It seems like if I don't bring up the subject then it's ignored. Perhaps males don't see boundaries being a problem, I'm really not quite sure. But I believe the time is coming. I've been praying. I think I'm going to have to do the hard thing and say "no" if asked. I'm not sure I want to. I like the idea of hanging out with a guy. Of having a connection. Of feeling that closeness and giddyness. But every time I hurt myself. I also do a disservice to the males b/c I enable them to be passive, to not take risks. And I'm done with that. It's so much easier said than done. Hopefully this verbalization on paper will give me the boldness to do what I really feel I'm to do.
My braining stems from conversations I've had with friends. Recently a male friend talked about how friendships have changed since college. How it needs to be a 2-way street in friendships. But I'm not quite sure it should and can be the same. It sounds like he's hurt that he's having to make all the effort in his friendships. Mind you, he has a lot more woman friends. Herein lies the issue, he considers everyone a friend and in turn he becomes Mr. Nice Guy.
When I think of marriage, I want to be with a Warrior. A risk taker. Not just a nice guy. Nice guys do finish last b/c they don't take risks (within the context of Christian values).
I want a man who does whatever it takes to win my heart. I don't just want to settle with a nice guy. The reason being that marriage is hard and not sing-along musicals like we'd hope. The reality is that a Warrior spirit will fight for me (and you) when challenges come. I don't see nice guys fighting. They aren't just pacifists--they are passive. Two different meanings.
I don't fully understand, so I need to do more bible search.
The one thing I'm really passionate about is learning how to do relationships in a way that edifies our brothers. That supports our sisters. That grows each one of us into a more intimate relationship with Christ.
Currently, I'm mulling over opposite sex friendships. When I was younger I always wanted some male friends to hang out with. I saw these confident gals having conversations (ok, perhaps they were flirting) and I wanted to be like them. These days, as a 30 year old, I have changed my outlook on guy friends. I think it's important to be in community with them as there is much I can learn, but I don't believe in one-on-one outings unless they have clarified their intentions. By clarify, I mean that they say, "Would you like to go on a date" versus "Hey, let's hang out".
I don't mind hanging out--it's quite fun with groups. I'm also not a strict legalist. If a male friend flies in from out of town and wants to go to coffee, I'd probably go. What I'm against is coffee every week with a guy who I just hang out with. Where there is no stated intentions.
The emotional intimacy and attachment is much stronger for woman and we need to set our boundaries. I have done a lot of reading on relationships and what it really comes down to in all situations is COMMUNICATION. Too often each side goes on assuming and not really talking. I say this as much for me as for those who've gotten hurt in dating.
Not that anyone's been asking me as of late but explaining my boundaries to a guy brings me this internal stress. It seems like if I don't bring up the subject then it's ignored. Perhaps males don't see boundaries being a problem, I'm really not quite sure. But I believe the time is coming. I've been praying. I think I'm going to have to do the hard thing and say "no" if asked. I'm not sure I want to. I like the idea of hanging out with a guy. Of having a connection. Of feeling that closeness and giddyness. But every time I hurt myself. I also do a disservice to the males b/c I enable them to be passive, to not take risks. And I'm done with that. It's so much easier said than done. Hopefully this verbalization on paper will give me the boldness to do what I really feel I'm to do.
My braining stems from conversations I've had with friends. Recently a male friend talked about how friendships have changed since college. How it needs to be a 2-way street in friendships. But I'm not quite sure it should and can be the same. It sounds like he's hurt that he's having to make all the effort in his friendships. Mind you, he has a lot more woman friends. Herein lies the issue, he considers everyone a friend and in turn he becomes Mr. Nice Guy.
When I think of marriage, I want to be with a Warrior. A risk taker. Not just a nice guy. Nice guys do finish last b/c they don't take risks (within the context of Christian values).
I want a man who does whatever it takes to win my heart. I don't just want to settle with a nice guy. The reason being that marriage is hard and not sing-along musicals like we'd hope. The reality is that a Warrior spirit will fight for me (and you) when challenges come. I don't see nice guys fighting. They aren't just pacifists--they are passive. Two different meanings.
Braining
I'm trying to make sense of what I've been "braining" lately...a word I just made up to mean thinking with the something holistically...not just emotionally but also logically, using both left and right sides and whatever's in-between.
I have got to write about Singleness. My close friends will know that I do a lot of thinking, but perhaps they don't really know that I do A LOT of it with caps. But I'm a bit scared. To write about singleness is putting myself out there. I also have this fear that it will keep me single forever by focusing on Singleness. So I do want to insert a personal statement...oh wait, this is all personal! My brainings are all a work in progress. I'm not perfect. What I write about is what I'm dealing with. This blog is my attempt to understand myself better and appreciate others points-of-view.
I have got to write about Singleness. My close friends will know that I do a lot of thinking, but perhaps they don't really know that I do A LOT of it with caps. But I'm a bit scared. To write about singleness is putting myself out there. I also have this fear that it will keep me single forever by focusing on Singleness. So I do want to insert a personal statement...oh wait, this is all personal! My brainings are all a work in progress. I'm not perfect. What I write about is what I'm dealing with. This blog is my attempt to understand myself better and appreciate others points-of-view.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
I Met A Boy!
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I chose 3 flavors of yogurt: pineapple, strawberry, tiramisu
Then I added 2 fruit toppings: kiwis, mangos
And topped it with what I call "mochi-mellows"
Asian-fusion! Ohhhh yea!
Where are all the yogurt stores in Oregon? What I mean to say is, where are they near me? Perhaps I should just buy a franchise and start my own. I love ice-cream, yogurt, smoothies--cold things with fruit is the theme.
I discovered a recently opened store called Yogurtland after walking what seemed like miles in my thin flip flops, while in San Diego on a business trip. Just outside the Little Italy arch sign, I was eating my real Italian dins in the lovely cool yet sunny outdoors. I was taking my time and just enjoying the casualness of it all. My favorite part, besides the good food, was getting to know a boy named Michael. He was 22...months old that is. And you thought I actually met a boy. Boy oh boy. He was the cutest and sweetest little thing with curly brown hair, Black and Italian roots--walking around and around the corner sidewalk talking to concrete, rocks, and me. Hopefully he wasn't grouping us all into inanimate objects, but having some conversation, although in Italian, was wonderful.
I needed him. This little boy with his cubby legs and cheeks just looked at me with interest then began our friendship. He was God's little reminder of unconditional love. Of innocence. Of precious gifts. His grandfather sat in a chair a few feet away and let his grandson clammer up to a chair right beside me under my umbrella table. Most parents would scurry over to not have their child bother strangers...but this is Little Italy. And I liked it. I needed a friend. I needed to see God in human form...a child.
A child gives me the sense of belonging. It doesn't matter my issues at the moment, they were washed away.
And then over and over I'm spotting these people with yogurt containers...I thought it was Pinkberry, which is good, but it's not. It's Yogurtland--a sample haven with 8 or 9 self-serve stations. Each station has two flavors or a twist of both in the center. The best part was the sample cups to try before you buy. It was just another couple and I as we sampled and sampled and sampled till I finally picked a tart pineapple, tangy strawberry, and smooth tiramisu. Then I couldn't believe my eyes to see baby mochi. Mochi is pounded rice made into a flour consistency and tends to have a sweet red bean inside for a yummy dessert, yet these were plain mochi.
I nicknamed the babies "mochi-mellows" because they have the look of little marshmellows you'd put into hot cocoa, yet isn't sugary. Anyone had mochi ice-cream before? The ice-cream balls are wrapped in mochi...a treat for sure. Where can I get mochi-mellows? I've never ever seen them so small...
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Life Without Limbs: Nick Vujicic
Nick Vujicic has a ministry called, Life Without Limbs. He was born without any arms or legs yet says, "I may stand before you with a disability but I stand before you more complete than most 26 yr olds". He was really an inspiration to me and I appreciate his evangelistic heart.
No one else wanted to go down to the ground floor, so I went by myself...and it was great to be in community with the crowds, to really feel like I was a part of the what was going on rather than being set apart high above the crowds.
Quotes that I like from his speaking:
"You don't need what the world says you need."
"There's one thing worse than being single and alone, its being married and alone."
"Don't leave here chained, leave here unchained."
""You haven't lived till you have something to die for. Put your happiness and hope in Jesus Christ."
"Have you ever come to a point where you felt like I can't do this anymore? Hope is in the name of the Lord."
"Don't just put God in your pocket and pull him out when you need him."
"When the world says you aren't good enough get a second opinion."
"FAITH= Full Assurance In The Heart"
"I don't know your pain, your circumstance but I know how it feels to be broken and alone. It's not about how tall you stand but who stands by you...Jesus."
Quotes that I like from his speaking:
"You don't need what the world says you need."
"There's one thing worse than being single and alone, its being married and alone."
"Don't leave here chained, leave here unchained."
""You haven't lived till you have something to die for. Put your happiness and hope in Jesus Christ."
"Have you ever come to a point where you felt like I can't do this anymore? Hope is in the name of the Lord."
"Don't just put God in your pocket and pull him out when you need him."
"When the world says you aren't good enough get a second opinion."
"FAITH= Full Assurance In The Heart"
"I don't know your pain, your circumstance but I know how it feels to be broken and alone. It's not about how tall you stand but who stands by you...Jesus."
Beautiful Beach: Del Mar, CA
Seaweed Sushi anyone? I love how the evening light reflects.
Having arrived a day and a half before my friend, her parents were kind enough to pick me up at the San Diego airport and let me hang out with them. They are such a blessing--paying for a few of my meals and giving me an opportunity to sightsee before heading to Spirit West Coast. I mainly spent time with the mom having a girlie day since the dad was getting everything set up for the event.
The most important thing about any day, time, or vacation is of course the FOOD! The Hilton San Diego/Del Mar has a GREAT concierge...over 1 1/2 days I went to three of the recommended restaurants. One of them we went to twice, Wildnote Cafe. My favorite though was Poseidon right on the Del Mar beach for happy hour specials of 50% off their bar menu. I was thinking it would be small plates but it ended being dinner plates that for 3 people cost only $31 for four plates (including a glass of red wine): coconut encrusted shrimp, caesar salad with jumbo shrimp, crab cakes, and a yummer roasted red pepper hummus plate w/ kalamata olives.
The most important thing about any day, time, or vacation is of course the FOOD! The Hilton San Diego/Del Mar has a GREAT concierge...over 1 1/2 days I went to three of the recommended restaurants. One of them we went to twice, Wildnote Cafe. My favorite though was Poseidon right on the Del Mar beach for happy hour specials of 50% off their bar menu. I was thinking it would be small plates but it ended being dinner plates that for 3 people cost only $31 for four plates (including a glass of red wine): coconut encrusted shrimp, caesar salad with jumbo shrimp, crab cakes, and a yummer roasted red pepper hummus plate w/ kalamata olives.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Shine A Little Joy
I like kids. They are inquisitive and don’t have all the baggage that adults seem to come with.
I was tired. I hadn’t gone to bed early the night before and I wanted a nap. I didn’t even want to stop anywhere for errands but I know I should since it was on my way. After stopping by the fruit stand I was driving through a back alley and spotted two disheveled little girls playing in the dirt outside a rundown home. Out of a seemingly bleak situation, the older girl turned up her head and her dirt-covered hands waved at me. I just saw God in and through her as I smiled and reflected her actions. How often do I go out of my way to shine a little joy?
Then a few minutes later I pull my car onto the kid infested neighborhood street and park my car at my home. A 6th grade girl always says, “Hi Shelley” and just those few words as she whizzes by on her bike or rollerblades just gives me a sense of belonging. She is the only one that I really know b/c she makes the effort to chat with me. She came up with two other girls who are sisters. Then they ask where I live and are trying to sort out in their mind why I live with people who aren't my family.
“What happen to your home?” one little girl inquires. The questions kids have are good ones. When I tell them I rent from the family, the older girl bluntly asks, “How much do you pay them?” I pause trying to think of what to say when the youngest girl interjects towards her, “That’s none of your business!” and I laughingly rely, “Yea, that’s right!” I explained to them that I pay them b/c it costs money for utilities.
Of course they asked my age, saying, “Are you like 20 or something”? When I said I was 30 yrs old they were all a little shocked saying I looked so young…well, a week doesn’t go by that I don’t get a comment like that from someone, even kiddos!
I’m reminded to pause. To take time for others, even children. To not let my own desires get in the way. We all need a little joy...I found mine today.
I was tired. I hadn’t gone to bed early the night before and I wanted a nap. I didn’t even want to stop anywhere for errands but I know I should since it was on my way. After stopping by the fruit stand I was driving through a back alley and spotted two disheveled little girls playing in the dirt outside a rundown home. Out of a seemingly bleak situation, the older girl turned up her head and her dirt-covered hands waved at me. I just saw God in and through her as I smiled and reflected her actions. How often do I go out of my way to shine a little joy?
Then a few minutes later I pull my car onto the kid infested neighborhood street and park my car at my home. A 6th grade girl always says, “Hi Shelley” and just those few words as she whizzes by on her bike or rollerblades just gives me a sense of belonging. She is the only one that I really know b/c she makes the effort to chat with me. She came up with two other girls who are sisters. Then they ask where I live and are trying to sort out in their mind why I live with people who aren't my family.
“What happen to your home?” one little girl inquires. The questions kids have are good ones. When I tell them I rent from the family, the older girl bluntly asks, “How much do you pay them?” I pause trying to think of what to say when the youngest girl interjects towards her, “That’s none of your business!” and I laughingly rely, “Yea, that’s right!” I explained to them that I pay them b/c it costs money for utilities.
Of course they asked my age, saying, “Are you like 20 or something”? When I said I was 30 yrs old they were all a little shocked saying I looked so young…well, a week doesn’t go by that I don’t get a comment like that from someone, even kiddos!
I’m reminded to pause. To take time for others, even children. To not let my own desires get in the way. We all need a little joy...I found mine today.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Speak to Me
It was a glorious Sunday and I'm in the mist of a funk and just needing God to speak to me. I downloaded a few new songs on my i-pod and went jogging. I needed to get out and be about taking care of myself physically and mentally.
Here's an excerpt from Mandisa's “The Definition of Me” that I connected with today.
I want to be about something different
Something more than the mirror can see
Like joy, peace
Alive in me
When it comes to my identity
I want the love
I want the light
I want the beauty
On the inside
I want the one that you can't see
To be the definition of me
Here's an excerpt from Mandisa's “The Definition of Me” that I connected with today.
I want to be about something different
Something more than the mirror can see
Like joy, peace
Alive in me
When it comes to my identity
I want the love
I want the light
I want the beauty
On the inside
I want the one that you can't see
To be the definition of me
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thinking Thoughts: Part II
Well, I've had this blog for a year and I haven't even written on it. I think it's time. I'd like to say I'll be writing every week--but I could fail. Rather, it's a place for me to write out my thoughts as I walk the road as a Christian--sharing the good and the bad. Showing my imperfections while hopefully gaining insights into this place we call LIFE.
I have a lot on my mind. I think deep thoughts. I hope through writing that I can wrestle with what it means as I go through different seasons and have this as a reminder that life is meant to be lived with passion and purpose, although at times I may bumble my way through.
I have a lot on my mind. I think deep thoughts. I hope through writing that I can wrestle with what it means as I go through different seasons and have this as a reminder that life is meant to be lived with passion and purpose, although at times I may bumble my way through.
Friday, April 3, 2009
This or That
I want to share with you all--of God's faithfulness, no matter what the circumstances, but what I don't want is for any of you to be upset at the humans involved--for ultimately HE is in control of my life (and your life). As it says in James 4:13-15, "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow...instead we ought to say 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that'".
These last few days I've been really anxious and stressed and realized that I had head knowledge that I could trust in God and He would be faithful, but the heart and emotions weren't fully connected. So I waited and tried my best to lay everything at HIS feet.
Today I ended up just bawling...in my office. Then minutes later praising God no matter what.
Through difficult work circumstances I'm going through I now ask the LORD, "what is my next adventure"? I have so many other visions and dreams for my life. I love variety. I love travel. I want to be passionate about sharing Christ.
I have no idea my next steps...and that's okay.
I'm simply reminded that nothing happens is without a purpose. Somehow, He'll use this season for my future, and for this I'm grateful.
These last few days I've been really anxious and stressed and realized that I had head knowledge that I could trust in God and He would be faithful, but the heart and emotions weren't fully connected. So I waited and tried my best to lay everything at HIS feet.
Today I ended up just bawling...in my office. Then minutes later praising God no matter what.
Through difficult work circumstances I'm going through I now ask the LORD, "what is my next adventure"? I have so many other visions and dreams for my life. I love variety. I love travel. I want to be passionate about sharing Christ.
I have no idea my next steps...and that's okay.
I'm simply reminded that nothing happens is without a purpose. Somehow, He'll use this season for my future, and for this I'm grateful.
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