Something in me has been brewing over the years with a desire to know our roles as Christian men and women, as it's been so confusing as of late. We don't need the world's view but a biblical view. Too often we place our own ideas, our own concepts into spiritual terms, but really, "What is God's view on relationships"?
I don't fully understand, so I need to do more bible search.
The one thing I'm really passionate about is learning how to do relationships in a way that edifies our brothers. That supports our sisters. That grows each one of us into a more intimate relationship with Christ.
Currently, I'm mulling over opposite sex friendships. When I was younger I always wanted some male friends to hang out with. I saw these confident gals having conversations (ok, perhaps they were flirting) and I wanted to be like them. These days, as a 30 year old, I have changed my outlook on guy friends. I think it's important to be in community with them as there is much I can learn, but I don't believe in one-on-one outings unless they have clarified their intentions. By clarify, I mean that they say, "Would you like to go on a date" versus "Hey, let's hang out".
I don't mind hanging out--it's quite fun with groups. I'm also not a strict legalist. If a male friend flies in from out of town and wants to go to coffee, I'd probably go. What I'm against is coffee every week with a guy who I just hang out with. Where there is no stated intentions.
The emotional intimacy and attachment is much stronger for woman and we need to set our boundaries. I have done a lot of reading on relationships and what it really comes down to in all situations is COMMUNICATION. Too often each side goes on assuming and not really talking. I say this as much for me as for those who've gotten hurt in dating.
Not that anyone's been asking me as of late but explaining my boundaries to a guy brings me this internal stress. It seems like if I don't bring up the subject then it's ignored. Perhaps males don't see boundaries being a problem, I'm really not quite sure. But I believe the time is coming. I've been praying. I think I'm going to have to do the hard thing and say "no" if asked. I'm not sure I want to. I like the idea of hanging out with a guy. Of having a connection. Of feeling that closeness and giddyness. But every time I hurt myself. I also do a disservice to the males b/c I enable them to be passive, to not take risks. And I'm done with that. It's so much easier said than done. Hopefully this verbalization on paper will give me the boldness to do what I really feel I'm to do.
My braining stems from conversations I've had with friends. Recently a male friend talked about how friendships have changed since college. How it needs to be a 2-way street in friendships. But I'm not quite sure it should and can be the same. It sounds like he's hurt that he's having to make all the effort in his friendships. Mind you, he has a lot more woman friends. Herein lies the issue, he considers everyone a friend and in turn he becomes Mr. Nice Guy.
When I think of marriage, I want to be with a Warrior. A risk taker. Not just a nice guy. Nice guys do finish last b/c they don't take risks (within the context of Christian values).
I want a man who does whatever it takes to win my heart. I don't just want to settle with a nice guy. The reason being that marriage is hard and not sing-along musicals like we'd hope. The reality is that a Warrior spirit will fight for me (and you) when challenges come. I don't see nice guys fighting. They aren't just pacifists--they are passive. Two different meanings.
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