More Than Physical

Kelly Clarkson's lyrics "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is just a bit ironic today.  I love hearing this song at my 5:30 AM workout and it's fun to break out in dance with my girls whenever it comes on.  It's motivation to push myself physically.


Today was my bi-weekly weigh-in and I only lost 2.5 lbs as I've sacrificed double workouts to focus on other things...then there's been more eating out than my typical "home-exercise-work-home and repeat" routine I had been on.  Yet, I am still getting it done.  There's been days that I splurge on dessert but honestly when I watch my calories and eat a few bites I feel ok with allowing myself a treat.  


One thing I've struggled with is emotional eating.  Eating when I'm sad.  Eating when I'm happy.  Eating when I'm full.  Eating just to eat.  I've been more intentional about enjoying my food and eating smaller meals.  Yesterday was emotional but I didn't think about eating to fill a void.  I simply rested in God TRUSTING in His sovereign plan.  It felt awesome to go directly to Him for all my needs big and small.  

This is a spiritual journey for me and a bonus is the weight loss.  I'm not only focusing on the physical b/c it seems superficial to be obsessed with counting calories, putting myself on a scale and working out 5-6 times a week.  It's more about the  process of wanting to be refined like gold.  I want to consider it pure joy...whenever [I] face trails of many kinds, because [I] know that the testing of [my] faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that [I] may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  -James 1:2 -4 NIV.  Whether that is a personal or physical situation I hope that I can walk it out in a way that ultimately glorifies God no matter what the end result.  

It's challenging.  Sometimes it involves making difficult decisions.  Doing the hard thing.  Aligning the heart, mind and spirit with my actions.  

MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

Wisdom Is A Verb

Ironic.  I asked for wisdom.  I got it.  Then I had to actually use it.  

What is wisdom if you simply think about it?  It's a noun but in my book it's a verb.  It's not just a thing, it's an action.  The hard part for me is doing the opposite of my flesh.  To turn away for the antonyms of "stupidity" and "ignorance" (aren't those words great?) and having the knowledge of what is true and right.  

Wisdom is hard.  

It involves will-power.  Self-control.  Discipline.  Things that are good.  But.  It.  Is.  Hard.  So.  Hard.


Wisdom is more than being surrounded by intelligent facts or smart people.  It takes work to be wise.  I by no means have this perfected.  I would much rather do something based on a feeling.  I've been praying James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who give generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him".  The real test is walking out the knowledge I have gained.  It sucked.  


I was recently given a situation to put me at a crossroads.  I had two choices.  Walk wise or unwise.  Be strong or be weak.  Trust God or trust myself.  I felt like I was in the middle of a busy street and I had to make a quick choice in the moment.  It was stressing me out.  My flesh was saying the opposite of my mind.  I realized in that moment that once I start down the path of stupidity then it is much much harder to get out of the hole.  If I put healthy boundaries on the path then I acknowledge the problem and do something about it.  I step over the hole, I go around it, I do whatever I can to avoid getting stuck.  The indecision sucked.  The end result was peace.  

The situation challenged me to focus on God, not self.  To allow the process to refine me and develop a deeper dependence on Him who I need to ultimately trust.  To know that I have choices to make every day, I simply need to chose this day whom I will serve.  

Expectations vs Standards

Let's talk about relationships.  The other day a friend's boyfriend whom I don't even know told her that I have high expectations in a guy.  It was a random opinion b/c we have never met or talked with each other.  He based his judgement on me being 33...and he's 31.

My quip back was "Of course I do"!

His nonchalant judgement hurt a bit.  He doesn't know me.  Or my story.  I didn't feel a huge need to defend myself because God knows my heart's desires.  I wait.  I am not sitting on the sidelines waiting for marriage.  I actively pursue opportunities professionally & personally.  I put myself out there in dating.  I pray that I become a woman after God's own heart.  Yet, I am not perfect.  And that is okay.

This morning I realize that I need to change my word from "expectations" to "standards" as I listened to Sara Groves on Boundless.org podcast #209.  She talked about those two words and how we need to “Let life unfold" without expectations but to have high standards.  Her thoughts were exactly what I was thinking.  We should all have high standards for a dating relationship but let go of our expectations.  Expectations put the other person at a disadvantage from the start because if they don't meet our requirements than we judge them.  Standards make sure that we aren't settling for just anyone and within that context then we discover who they are without judgement.

Expectations seem self-centered.  It's needy.  "What can I get from this relationship?" is the theme rather than "What can I gain from this relationship"?

On a larger scale, this can go for any relationship.  I used to have huge expectations on family and friends.  When I didn't get my needs met from them than I was hurt and disappointed.  Ultimately, for any relationship we need to allow God to do the work in all of our lives.  I don't need to try to control a situation but allow God to guide & direct the path.  To walk through the open doors.  To go to Him when doors close.  To not give up.  To pursue life - life to the full.  To know above all the challenges of this life that God has our best interests in mind and His ways are so much better than the world's.

Two words.  Two different meanings.

Spiritual Food

Today was my 4th weigh-in for the Newberg Graphic team challenge that started 2 months ago.  I was absolutely shocked today by the difference two weeks can make.  My last weigh in I only lost a mere 1 lb b/c I had made a mistake in how I was counting calories on myfitnesspal.  I was maintaining instead of losing.  After a feeling of disappointment, I moved ahead not letting that stop me.  Yet.  I was out-of-town 6 days within the last two weeks and working out but not feeling like I lost anything.

I got on the scale...moving the ticker to the right again and again...nothing.  Dang.

Trying it again with some frustration over my problem areas I thought "Well...I guess I'll try going to the left".  Hello!  Konnichiwa!  I LOST 6.5 lbs!  Yeah baby!!

Workout:
-  5 days/week circuit training days
-  A few times a week small treadmill runs of 2 - 3 miles
-  1 day a week doing the half marathon training schedule.  Last Sat was 7 miles!

Food:
-  Yesterday I committed myself to a liquid fast to discipline myself holistically.  It felt good to consider all day that spiritual food is worth more than anything.  I met a friend around dinner time - I debated about what to do but once I shared it it ended up not being a big deal.  I know I shouldn't feel bad about sticking to my goals.  I'm slowly learning that it's good to take care of myself and it gives me the freedom and confidence to serve others.

-  These last few weeks there have been several meals out but I've tried to share dishes or take half home

-  Eating every two hours small meals  - really helps me feel like I'm in control and I'm not stuffing myself

-  Not keeping much food in my kitchen helps a ton too!

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Lucky 7

I'm liking the #7 at the moment - especially after running...yes RUNNING 7 straight miles today.

Since I'm on a seven obsession, here's 7 Things I LOVED About Today:
7.  Waking up early at my friend's house and having some quality time to journal & pray.
6.  Running 7 miles (71 mins) outside with a friend.
5.  Reunion with friends that I haven't seen in ages - sooo good for my spirit & soul!
4.  Talking with a friend on the phone while I drove up to P-Town.  It was so good to connect with her and laugh about life.
3.  Celebrating a friend's wedding day - her relationship is an example of encouragement to me as she walked it out with such purity.  I loved hearing the pastor say "Love is not a noun.  Love is a verb".  Amen!
2.  Funtastico spontaneous adventure to Portlandia-ish being super goofy.  I love knowing that no matter the distance of friendships the best ones are those that pick right back up as if it was yesterday.  And new friends are always welcome...esp if they are as crazy as us!
1.  Knowing at the end of the day that I am blessed, blessed indeed.